"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
