put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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