fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
