i think my tv is drunk
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
