new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
