So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
