She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize