P.S. I can't hear my feet
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
