wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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