woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize