Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
