Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
