It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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