I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
