I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
