This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
