mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
