Who wears a wallet chain?!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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