We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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