Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
