I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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