How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
