I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I want her autograph on my taint
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
