dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
