Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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