My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
