Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
