i will never coherently bang her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
