I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
