I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
