You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
