my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am one with the molecules
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
