A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
