Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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