so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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