I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
