you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
