We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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