Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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