When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
