the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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