This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize