You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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