Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize