I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
