Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
