True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
