my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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