dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
