apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
