Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
