So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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