I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
