Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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