singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
