You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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