nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
