You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
