what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
