Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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