oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
