Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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