god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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