he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize