please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
