You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
