I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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