So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
