You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
