Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
