You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
