Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
