I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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