So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
