im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
